My last night as Stephanie Bell

I know this may come as a huge surprise... but I cant sleep! Tomorrow is my wedding and I am so full of emotions. I figure writing everything out might help put my mind to rest so I might be able to sleep a little tonight. This might be a long, boring post, but it will be a good journal of my feelings and I'm sure I will be glad one day that I wrote it all down.

I first would like to start with this overwhelming feeling of gratitude that I have right now. Words cant even describe how grateful I am for everyone's help. My dad has been seriously spending every free second he has had the last month getting the yard ready and perfect for my big day. My mom has been so willing to help and full of love and excitement for me. I was thinking today about everything I need to be sure to do tomorrow and realized that my sister Shannon seriously is taking care of everything and making sure things are getting done. My sister Lindsay helped throw me a fabulous shower and has been so good to vent to and laugh with. My sister Dana has been great at keeping my entertained in Cedar City when all I wanted to do was go home to do wedding stuff. She always so such a great help with moving and getting rid of all of my stuff. I honestly have the most amazing family and I am so grateful for everything they have done.

I am also feeling so heartbroken over people who cant be at the wedding. My extremely intelligent sister Dianna is off being brilliant in Africa and cant be here for my big day. There has been a huge hole this whole weekend without her here. I cant even describe how much I miss her and how much I want her there tomorrow.

I am also very sad that Steve's brother Rick and his wife Holly wont be there. Rick is starting his rotations and is moving this week. Steve is so close to his brothers and I know how much he wishes they could both be here. They have been so supportive and helpful and I wish more than anything that they could be here to celebrate with us.

Tonight while I was making the long drive home from Tooele I was thinking of my loved ones who are no longer with us and who I will miss tomorrow. It is moments like this that make miss my sister Laura so so much. It breaks my heart that she isn't here for big life events such as this. Steve's mother passed away when Steve was just barely one. She will of course be missed tomorrow and I hope she knows what an amazing man her son has become. My best friend and mentor from High School Syd Riggs will be missed as well. I can just imagine telling her about Steve and hearing her reaction. I know that she would have loved him.

Now I must express my unexplainable excitement I am feeling. I am so excited to be Steves wife. I cant even explain the massive amounts of support and love he has given me since we started planning this wedding. I dont even have to tell him what is bothering me or stressing me out, he can just tell. He has been so kind and patient with me and is the only one who has been able to completely calm me down. He is the most wonderful man I have ever met and I feel like the luckiest girl in the world. I am so excited to start our life together.

I keep thinking back on all the times I have been mistreated and hurt. I keep thinking of all the times I would cry and complain that I just wanted a good guy who loves me. I would sit and listen to my sisters and friends tell me that he was out there and it would all work out someday and that all the hard times would somehow seem worth it. And they were right! I finally get my happy ending and I could not be happier.

Well... this has helped. I hope now I can clear my mind and get some rest. Tomorrow is going to be such a wonderful day and I cant wait for my new life to begin!